Sunday, March 3, 2013

I Need A Hobby...

I've been thinking... and that's never good! LOL :)

No really, sometimes it really is not good. When you think too much you think about the things you want to do, and that leads to the things you haven't done. Which a lot of times leads to things you want and don't have. And for me, that leads to babies and sadness. So. . .  I need a hobby.

During this "break" me and the hubby have talked about trying to strengthen our relationship. Focus more on where we are now and not on babies in the future. Do things. Have fun. Be a couple. I know some other ladies with infertility have told me similar things. Learning to get back to the here and now and not focus on "when we have a baby" is much harder than you think!!

As an infertile married couple. . . you're in a weird spot. The in-between. You are trying to have a family so you don't quite fit with the young, wild, and free bunch of friends you used to hang with before you decided to have kids. BUT, since your plans to have kids has stalled, you don't fit in with your friends who are parents either. You don't do much partying anymore since that lifestyle doesn't really fit in with you're desire to be pregnant and nurture a growing fetus. Shouldn't drink while taking metformin, it can mess up the blood sugar. Can't drink during the TWW either, there could be a baby in there!! BUT you can't load up the kids to take them to Chuck-E-Cheese's either. . . ya know, since you're kids don't quite exist. It's awkward being the one person at the 3rd birthday party without a child. The mom's don't really have much to talk with you about and the conversation can actually hurt on a bad day, because no you don't know how much the postpartum stretch marks suck, or how terrible the two's really are!! But you would like too!! 

So, finding things to do beside sitting at home and thinking too much is hard!
I would like to find a hobby! Maybe something that will be hard to continue once I'm pregnant and have a baby... one of those "enjoy this while you can" kind of things. Crocheting? Knitting? I also want to find things for me and the husband to do as a couple. Everyone always says "enjoy your alone time together while you can!" . . . we have ALOT of alone time. . . what can we do to make it more enjoyable? There are some things we have always talked about doing that we never quite fit in, that we plan to try harder at. We love to ride the motorcycle. I want to take more trips on it. We did a poker run last fall and I think we will plan on doing a few more of those too. Can't just take off on the motorcycle when I'm pregnant!! We like to go fishing. Saturday afternoon fishing trips sounds like a great thing to add to the schedule! Don't think a toddler is going to enjoy sitting quietly with a fishing pole!! Hubs has always wanted to buy a gun and learn to shoot. Maybe go to the gun range?? Could be fun and def not baby friendly. The hubs has also recently purchased some golf clubs. So, guess im going to learn to play?!



 --- SIDE NOTE--- FIND TIME TO RECONNECT WITH FRIENDS. BOTH WITH AND WITHOUT KIDS! SKIP THE METFORMIN AND GO HAVE A DRINK!! IT WONT KILL YOU AND YOU MAY HAVE A GREAT TIME!! AND IF ITS NOT A BAD DAY, GO PLAY WITH THE KIDDOS!! HANG WITH THE MOMMY FRIENDS ANYWAYS. GET MORE PRACTICE. GIRLS NIGHT!! MOMMY'S NEED A BREAK TOO!

Awareness...

Infertility and Miscarriage are such personal things! and all too often, we (those that are going through these situations), want to have our cake and eat it too. We want others to understand how we feel and what we are going through. But we don't want to share our stories because its personal. Calm down ladies, I'm not writing this in an attempt to force everyone to go out an announce their loss to all of Facebook. Or to "out" yourselves as infertile. I'm just stating a fact. People don't know how to respond to us or how to understand us, because they are not in our shoes and they are not exposed to stories like ours often enough. They don't know what its all about. They don't know how common it is. They don't know anyone who is dealing with it. They dont know. 

PCOS and another medical condition of mine, Factor 5, put me at high risk of miscarriage, If I were to have one, I'm allowed to grieve for the loss of my baby. No matter how early. 5 weeks? so what. This was my CHILD!! The baby I fought to conceive. And I will not be forced to hide my emotions and just "move on" because miscarriage makes people uncomfortable or because some people don't consider an early miscarriage to be a big deal.

I want to change that!! I want infertility and pregnancy loss in the spot light!!  I want others to see it for what it is. A medical condition and a BIG deal. Its not a personal problem that I should just deal with behind closed doors. It affects day to day life, even when I try hard not to let it. 






 April is National Infertility Awareness Week
The colors are light pink & light blue!! Wear them and show support!!
April 21-27 2012

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September Is PCOS Awareness Month
The color is Teal! Wear it proudly :)



Friday, March 1, 2013

Progress v.2

Starting Weight- 235
Lowest Weight- 188
Last Week- 193.0
Today- 192.3

Continuing to count calories using the my fitness pal app and stay right around 1200 calories. Ive done very good this week with that and have not gone over calories at all. Ive also tried to continue to avoid sweets and sodas. I started the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred program and have finished 5 days of that! Im pretty proud considering that I'm terribly out of shape and Sunday night, I literally had to stop and almost puked!!!

However, I'm frustrated and because of that, today I blew it! Tuesday I weighed and was down to 192.4 (YAY!!!) working out, good on calories.... weigh Wednesday and I've gained a pound! back up to 193.6!! Thursday down to 191.8!! still exercising and under on calories... this morning, I'm up a pound and back to 192 :(    and ofcourse im upset that im not steadily losing and I keep gaining even though I'm doing everything I can to lose! Im working my @ss off!! So today, angry, and PMS'ing... I've had several mini candy bars and a snack size bag of hot fries and a soda.