(This is more of a rant, not my usual informative posts)
I love this whole body positive movement that is happening. I love that its becoming more and more okay to be a bigger person. To have some curves, or even rolls and to know that they don't make you unattractive. In fact, you are beautiful regardless of your body shape! This is great!! Lets keep spreading this way of viewing the human body, because women & men come in all shapes and sizes. But I feel like there are already people taking this to an extreme that personally pisses me off. "It is okay to be big and beautiful, no one should ever want to change their body."
Fuck you! This is my body and just like no one can make me hate myself for being overweight, no one can make me stay overweight because they tell me I'm beautiful that way. Sometimes, I do things for me. Because I want to. I am choosing to lose weight
- Not because other people hate my body
- Not because other people tell me that I should hate my body.
(Im not saying that these aren't things that motivate others to lose weight, we all know that some people go as far as to develop eating disorders to fit someone elses definition of sexy or beauty.People get bullied and teased and made to feel ashamed. Im not arguing against that. Im telling the other side of the story.)
My husband has loved me at my thinnest and at my heaviest and I have his complete support during my weight loss. He motivates me and he cheers me on. He is the voice of reason when he can see im feeling frustrated or not seeing the results I want. No one from my past has ever significantly teased me for being overweight. It is a fact that not all skinny people are healthy and not all overweight people are unhealthy. But also a fact, sometimes they are. I'm one of those. I do not always eat the best foods, I have a numerous health issues and risks. PCOS and Insulin Resistance, these make me at higher risk of diabetes which runs in my family already. Plus a family history of hypertension. I also have a blood clotting disorder called Factor Five that makes me at high risk of blood clots and heart issues. I am struggling with infertility due to the PCOS. I have hardware in my left ankle due to a fall where it was shattered and popped out of place. Its important to me to get to a healthy weight. To help minimize my PCOS symptoms, to possibly cure my IR and lower my risk of diabetes and hypertension. To put my body in the best position to respond to fertility treatments and then carry our miracle baby. To feel better. To be able to walk and not be out of breath. Maybe even run someday!! To take some stress off of my ankle. See, sometimes I do things for me!!!
I am my own worst critic. I never said that I loved my overweight body. I just never hated myself because I was fat. Highschool me at 150lbs and me at 235lbs were still me. And I think im pretty awesome. I am a shy and quiet person that feels incredibly awkward in groups of people. Im kind of a spazz. And I can work myself into some serious social anxiety at times. But once you get to know me and I am comfortable, I think im crazy amounts of fun! But I was never physically comfortable at my heaviest weight. I was sick more often. I had less energy. I couldn't do as much of or the kinds of activities that I wanted. I wasn't happy with how my clothes looked and how hard it was to find things that were flattering. I wasn't happy with how my body looked in general. Thats okay!! It is okay to be unhappy with your body, as long as its because YOU are unhappy and not because some one else says you should be. It's okay to want to make changes!! It's okay If feeling better about yourself and in your own skin are motivators for you to make changes!! You don't have to stay overweight because society is changing and is becoming more accepting of it. It is okay that I was 235lbs, my BMI was in between the lowest bracket of extreme obesity and the highest of obesity and I wanted to change that. It's okay that I am working out and watching what I eat and HAPPY to see my body changing. It is MORE than okay that I am feeling better physically and happier with how I look. Because sometimes, I just do shit for myself.
Im ecstatic to see so many men and women that are body positive. So many people that see the beauty in all body shapes. But I feel like its almost a fetish to some people. That they don't love all body shapes, they only love bigger shapes and they are almost offended that somebody might want to lose weight. I don't want to be beautiful or sexy to someone because I have curves and rolls. I want to be beautiful because im just fucking beautiful! My personality, my confidence, the energy I put off, the look in my eyes... not the shape of my body. And I won't feel guilty about the choice I have made or that my body is no longer your idea of beauty. Because sometimes, I fucking do shit for myself and I don't need anyone's approval but my own. & This is for me!!
