Little Updates

The I Believe Contest for IVF will be ending at 11:59pm Sunday night. I'm sure some of you are like "yay!!! this link will stop showing up everywhere!" ... But for those of you that are paying attention and have watched, the time to share our link and to vote is running out. Please, if you are sick of seeing the link, take the few moments to click it anyways and see what its all about. Watch our video and vote. Its just a few short minutes and could change our lives forever. Finalists will be announced sometime on Monday Dec 2nd.

Excitedly nervous!! If nothing else, Ive been amazed by all the support I've seen from my Family, Friends, and Facebookland. It's been such a blessing to witness so many people sharing and rallying for us. I've had to fight off a few moments of getting my feelings hurt by a few people I just KNEW would be sharing and voting, who have not. and just focus on those who have. I guess the "you find out who your friends are" saying is true, but I choose to focus on the positive and We've gotten so much more support than I ever imagined. It means so much to us! I've boo hoo'd several times after reading the intros folk's have written above the link they shared. Just soo many sweet things. Thank you so much to anyone and everyone who watched, voted, and shared! I can not say that enough. It means the world to us. Win or Lose, for that we re eternally grateful.

As far as my Epic Amazing Natural O cycle appears to be a big flop. Took my leftover progesterone during the TWW just in case. A few good temps taken randomly. No real chart or anything since I wasn't expecting it. Somewhere between 12-14 DPO today. BFN on Thanksgiving morning (10-12DPO). Stopped the progesterone last night. AF should make her arrival soon. But it was a good shot I suppose.

Appointment set for January 8th to go see my RE. -- Assuming we dont win IVF!! -- Go vote! and SHARE

Faith and Infertility

Im going to pull my soapbox out for a minute and do some teaching. Im not mad or ranting really. I just want to really bring home something that I think is often misunderstood about Infertility & God.

Im a Christian. Im wishy-washy on denomination and have attended churches of all different kinds, but I firmly believe in God and in the power of prayer. My husband is the same. Im not going to preach at anyone or force my religion on anyone. If you believe in a different God(s) than me, that is fine. If you choose not to believe, that too, is your choice. That is not what this is about.

What I want to talk about is the need for some people, when reading my blog or my Facebook posts about Infertility, or even face to face, to tell me things like

"It's in Gods hands"
"It's up to God"
"It will happen in Gods time"
"Things happen when they are meant to happen"
"God will give you a baby when its right"

Things of that nature. And they are nice sentiments. I understand that no one means harm when they say them and they feel they are instilling hope and encouragement in us not to give up on God. But these things are actually quite hurtful. They imply that by pursuing treatment we are in fact giving up on God. That we don't have faith in or respect for his timing and plan. And that we are rushing to do things that aren't meant to happen yet. To me, they also imply that we are not struggling with a medical condition but simply an inability to be patient and wait on God. That our God is intentionally forcing us to wait on his timing and suffer through this heartbreak.

 And im not sure who your God is.... but mine does not cause suffering. My God would never intentionally put me through this type of pain and heartache. We believe that we are simply a victim of circumstance. We both have medical problems that interfere with our ability to get pregnant and God is not a part of that. God is here in this struggle with us. Not causing it. He is there to carry us when we feel like we can't keep moving forward. He gives me the strength to just keep trying. He has blessed us with the amazing support system we have and the friends we have met along the way. I feel like, if anything, we have been guided towards the doctors that we have seen and the treatments we are pursuing.

Sometimes God works through the hands of others. It's not hard for people to accept this when it comes to the idea of a good Samaritan doing CPR in a Walmart parking lot until help arrives, or the ER doctor who is able to stabilize a person and get them to surgery. We can easily believe that God works alongside surgeons and that God is with cancer patients who are receiving chemo. But when you start talking about babies, people seem appalled that you are going against God by seeking a doctors help. This is hurtful.

Should the cancer patients just wait on God to cure their cancer without medical intervention?
Should that ER doctor remain hands off until God stabilizes the person instead?
Should anyone knowing CPR just twiddle their thumbs in hope that God will step in instead?

No!!! God performs all kinds of miracles. Some are like the ones in the Bible where it is plain to see it was God doing all the work. But other times his miracles are more subtle and he may not get all the glory. And his miracles happen through the lives and work of others. Sometimes there is no magical pregnancy out of the blue for an infertile woman. Sometimes her body does not just suddenly work and after 15 years they get pregnant. Sometimes God answers these prayers by placing the couple in the hands of a skilled doctor. A few pills and some OPKs can be answered prayers. Sometimes God is working through the ultrasound tech who is monitoring the injectible stimulation process and the skilled eyes of the tech doing a sperm wash for IUI. Sometimes those blessing are conceived in a petri dish under a microscope. It doesn't mean that God isn't involved just because science and medicine are.

Infertility in itself is a test of faith. It can be easy to feel like God isn't with you in this situation or that you have done something wrong and he is punishing you. It is so easy to get angry with him for not just miraculously handing you a baby. To be angry that others are getting pregnant while you still can't. I know couples who no longer believe in God based on the thinking that "It will happen in God's time" and after 15 years at 40+ they are still not parents. They feel that God must not want this for them. God must not be listening to them. If God answers everyone's prayers but isn't answering theirs, then they can no longer believe in his existence.

This is not my God. This is not how God wants us to portray him to others. This is not the kind of thinking that Christians should teach to others and these are not the right things to say to a couple pursuing fertility treatments after years of struggle. I understand you may not mean for comments to hurt, only to help. So let me help you out. Try...

"God is with you in this struggle"
"I will be praying that God grant you strength"
"I hope that this is the answer to your prayers"
"I will be praying for you during your treatments"
"God will be watching over your doctors during this procedure"

Anything that instills faith without belittling our need for medical interventions.

I want to reiterate that infertility is a medical condition!!! There are disorders and diagnoses with NAMES! immune disorders, PCOS, Endometriosis, varicoceli, blocked tubes, low sperm count, motility, and morphology. They are all medical conditions that can make pregnancy unlikely or even impossible without ART. It has nothing to do with timing and everything to do with reproductive systems that for one reason or another are not functioning as they should. Please understand, infertility is a medicalcondition. Please understand our need to seek medical interventions with God by our side.

My nanny shared a very similar story with me once  after several upsetting comments about waiting on Gods timing had me worried I shouldn't be doing the treatments and was upsetting God.  http://epistle.us/inspiration/godwillsaveme.html  

It's Go Time!!

The I Believe contest voting is now live!! Please follow the link to vote for us and to share this with others if you can!! Me & my husband have been struggling with infertility for 4 years now and have never stopped praying and asking God to help us find the right path in this journey. We've undergone a lot of fertility treatments and recently stumbled upon and entered a video journal contest with a very well known specialist at Sher Institute of Reproductive Medicine. The winner will receive a free round of IVF. This is truly the chance of a lifetime since most insurances do not cover any infertility and the procedures cost thousands out of pocket. We believe that sometimes people are a victim of circumstance and that God answers prayers through doctors and the miracle of medical interventions. I also would like to request prayers for ourselves and the other couples who are going through similar struggles. Infertility is a heartbreak that can not be described. Please pray that all the couples keep strength during the struggle, faith that their blessing is coming & peace during the wait.

http://haveababy.com/ibelieve2013householder/

This is an interesting turn of events...

This is one of those TMI, for my hardcore infertility ladies posts. But any of you are welcome to follow along!! (I'll add a list of common abbreviations at the bottom)

After close to a year on break of no tracking, no temping, no OPKs and no TI ... I think I might be ovulating this month! Its not very often that I get good signs of impending O unless I'm on meds, although I do suspect that once in a while I sporadically ovulate on my own. These O's appear to be weak with low progesterone and a short LP just like my femara alone O's.... but anywho!! Working on my video for the SIRM I Believe Contest has kicked up my baby fever and that urgent feeling to start treatments. So after a day at work with the craziest CM I've ever had, I couldn't resist dragging out my giant bag of OPK's and peeing on one! It looked positive!!!

"don't get excited. you know this happens from time to time and its no better than an O on femara."

That was this past Wednesday night. So, given my track record of the worlds shortest LH surge, we BD just in case it was the real deal, I mean it can't hurt? And I decided to do another OPK Thursday morning. I was shocked to see that it was still positive!!

"still surging?? this is not normal for you!! maybe you are rusty and are just reading them wrong"

Fast forward to Thursday night. Was still having some crazy CM so I peed on another OPK and got yet again two very DARK lines.

"okay, they are defective. You usually ahve a surge so quick that you can miss it while testing twice a day. There is no way you are still detecting a LH surge 24hours after the first"

A little more BD... ya know... just in case!! Then I tested again on Friday morning. STILL POSITIVE! My heart actually sank a little.

"okay. It's a bad batch. They are going to pop positive no matter what. you're not ovulating"

So I did what any logical person would do... I made my husband take an OPK! & Guess what?? He is NOT ovulating!!

"dude!! this could be the most epic natural O ever!! Maybe the most recent weightloss is having an impact?"

I had some cramping and tenderness in the lower tummy/ovary area Friday and Saturday. Got some more BD in, ya know just in case, and am annoyingly bloated today!! Is this some magical miraculous O? Im not sure, and really won't ever know for sure, but its crazy unusual for me and I will take it! Maybe it is a sign that my hormones are trying to straighten out after my weight changes. Maybe its just another crazy sporadic weak O that means nothing. But it's an interesting turn of events!



OPK= ovulation prediction kit
TI = times intercourse
O = ovulation
CM= cervical mucus
LP= Luetal Phase the 2ish weeks after O
LH= Luetenizing Hormone - rises right before O
BD= baby dance (baby making)

I Believe Video Posted

Our submission to the SIRM 2013 contest to win IVF. Voting will be open from November 18th until December 1st at http://haveababy.com/believe-2013-videos/
Please share our video and vote for us if you like it!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkuG1LyLK0I&feature=youtu.be

Just Checking In!

Well hello there!! Long time, no see!! Anyone following along, we've officially reached one year with no fertility treatments. It's really been a lot easier to reach that "anniversary" than I expected. I feel like the hard part is over. It was devastating in the beginning, I didn't want to be on break. I didn't want to be wasting more time, seeing others announce their pregnancy while i'm twiddling my thumbs. Or at least trying! Doing something. I'm not sure where things got better, I can't really pinpoint that moment. But somewhere in early spring I realized that If we can't TTC right now, we should use this time the best we can. I needed to heal, to get into a better mindset before we try again. I was neglecting a lot of things because of my devotion to all things TTC and fertility related. I was avoiding some things because sometimes they hurt!! 

I missed a lot of baby showers because I just couldn't make myself go. So many holidays and family gatherings that should have been enjoyable, really weren't because above all else, I wanted to share those moments with my child. I wanted to see my baby in their Easter dress, I wanted to be watching them run around with their cousins at the 4th of July BBQ (or crawl! or just lay there looking all cute in their red, white, &blue). I wanted to be taking my child trick or treating, not just look at all the other cute kids in costumes. And most of all, I wanted it to be my baby enjoying their first Christmas. I don't think that ache every really goes away. But I wanted to work on my response to that feeling and my ability to NOT let it ruin everything. I wanted to reconnect with my friends and family, even the ones with children. I wanted to get my life back. I started making myself go out more and do things. Start going on date nights more. Not decline invitations to go grab lunch with a friend or accompany them and their niece to Build-A-Bear. Meet up with friends to eat at Applebees, (even though their baby is with them). Things like that. I feel like I've made some progress and i'm in a much better place than I was.

 I also really buckled down on the weight loss. I guess with my neurotic tendencies, I need an obsession! I had gained back up to 200lbs at some point in early summer. I was struggling and I decided to get one month of phentermine (adipex) from my doctor to help me kick things back into gear. I skipped days here and there and that script lasted me way more than one month, but it was the confidence booster that I needed. I knew that on a tough day, I could take it and not eat everything in sight. I started doing a walking/aerobic DVD with a co-worker daily. We were doing 5 miles a day at one point and I was doing great on my water intake finally. Im currently down a total of 72lbs from my heaviest of 235lb. Im hoping for 18 more pounds putting me at 144 and in a healthy BMI range!! Im soooooo close and feeling really confident that I can get there. 

On the TTC front, we are hoping that at the first of the year (also our 4 year mark) we can get back to the RE and jump back in. I want to get some labs repeated and a new ultrasound. Maybe some things will have improved with my weight loss? I want to give the oral meds alone anther chance. Maybe Jan & Feb. If we need it, we're hoping to do another injection/IUI cycle by March or April. I'm also working on a video to enter an contest through Sher Institutes in STL to win a free IVF cycle. Im not a likely winner, but the video diary has been fun to work on. I will share the link to my completed submission!! You all can vote for me :)