Here We Go Again

Yay!! for me, (insert sarcasm please) We got a very annoying visitor yesterday. Aunt Flow has arrived and we're on to the next cycle...

Cycle #15
(somehow my count was off and I had last month as cycle number 13)

1700mg metformin 2x daily
81mg baby aspirin daily
4000iu Vitamin D immunity complex daily
B complex daily
prenatal daily

Currently taking a break from "hardcore TTC"
Not tracking BBT or doing OPKs
No fertility medications.

 **Possibly adding vitex at some point. Checking Walgreens for it this weekend.

. 

well... by golly.... I wanna be knocked up! please and thank you :)

Throw Back Thursday!

Throw Back Thursday#2

Weight Loss is a common theme this week, as well as the always popular struggle to TTC. So my TBT pics go along with both of those.

 This is me at my smallest. High School 2006. Roughly 150lbs

 And, This is me at my heaviest. Winter 2011. Roughly 235lbs

And this is the hubby and me right around the time we first started trying to have a baby :)

It's Dark In Here.

Maybe its hormone's since I'm nearing the end of one cycle and the start of another. Maybe its the weather... so cold and rainy. Or maybe I'm depressed? But it's pretty dark in here right now. Ive noticed alot of changes in my over all attitude lately. And I'm trying really hard to stay peppy and to find things to be excited about. Trying to stay interested in weight loss and pre-occupy my mind with things like work, exercising, the blog and friends who are actively TTC right now. But it's not really working. And I really don't want a blog that's full of negative and sad entries and just please pity me type posts. I'm really not that kind of person. So, yesterday I didn't post at all.

When I first realized that having a baby was going to be hard for us, after a year or so, I just really wanted for anyone who wanted a baby to just PLEASE be able to have one!! Including me. But as the struggle continues, the lights start to dim. Suddenly jealousy hits a bit and you start to feel some resentment towards people who can easily get pregnant and its harder to be happy for them. People with multiple kids. People who weren't trying and accidentally get pregnant. Its hard to be around them. It hurts. A little dimmer still. But for the last year I have been able to take solace in a great group of ladies I met on the Soul Cysters forum and talk with alot on two Facebook groups. Women who are going through what I am. Who feel the same hurts and jealousies. Who wont judge me for my ugly thoughts! As the last year has past, we have seen alot of pregnancies, alot of losses, and alot of failed cycles. Its getting dark. Alot of family members, friends and Facebook acquaintances announcing pregnancies. A little darker. Time spent saving up for a expensive injection cycle. Borrowing money from my parents. Taking time off of work. Painful injections. Putting on a brave face. Allowing myself to get hopeful!! Seeing results!! Good swimmers... a light at the end of the tunnel!! Alot of tricky tests where we thought we saw a second line, and it ultimately ended in the start of a new cycle. Negative. And the lights went out.

I was able to put on a brave face for awhile. It's okay, really! We can just try again!! And i think that after a few weeks, even I was believing that. But we cant just try again. We cant try again until we can afford a $2000+ medical bill, paid up front, out of pocket. We cant just borrow more money. Or charge it. And insurance wont cover anything. Not one cent. The reality is, we cant try again so easily. And im not sure how long it will take us to save up the amount of money that we need. Preferably we need to have enough for 2 cycles in a row. That's $4000+ and with all the crap that comes up, we haven't be able to save anything at all. The next cycle is slipping father and farther away. Our next chance at a baby is moving farther and farther away. Its really dark in here. I dont like to go to my boards as often as I used to. Even there I cant find much solace. women who are still trying for a baby. Women who are doing things. taking meds, getting scan, seeing doctors, doing IUI's... even IVF. and here I sit. This is not a happy place! I'm not looking for pity... I know thats how this sounds. Just looking for the light...

  

A Very Bad Day.

For three years I have been trying to have a baby. This has been my life. I don't think you can help but to be a bit consumed with it. Its really alot of work!! I have been monitoring cycles, taking ovulation prediction kits (OPKs), charting my basal body temperature (BBT), and timing intercourse. One of those years I've spent taking various meds, including injections in my stomach and getting follicle scans and IUI's. And suddenly. . . here we are. . . at the beginning of the third year, at an absolute stand still. No meds. No procedures. No doctors. . . No TTC. This is not sitting well with me.

Sure I can still take an oral med. And I talked a big game about going natural with the vitex, and I still plan to give that a shot. . . but today. . . it all feels kind of pointless. I mean if i needed 800iu of FSH injectables... what is a random herbal supplement really going to accomplish? I feel stuck. . . Lost almost? I just want to be doing something about my infertility!! I want to be doing whatever its going to take to have a baby. I don't want to be on pause. I want injections in my stomach, vaginal ultrasounds to monitor follicle growth and I want sperm in a catheter!!

 Today is a whiny day. Today is one of those "Life isn't fair" days! Today is a very bad day.

Unless I Puke, Faint or Die...

 

After a lot of looking and backing out and looking and making excuses and looking some more and backing out again, Ive decided that if I'm done making excuses for why its okay to feel like poo on a daily basis, then I'm done making excuses for why I cant exercise!! Yes, I am limited by my ankle and my knees, but I'm not doing them any favors by sitting on my butt either! Im already eating better and feeling better and Ive lost a lot of weight so far! Almost 45lbs since I started this a year and a half ago.... but I need to get some real exercise started!  

I'm going to do the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred!!  Its just 30 days....Surely I can commit to 30 days of doing the best that I can. I start tonight.... wish me luck!!

The Commitment...

Ever feel like you make too many excuses for yourself? Like you are "settling" on a life that isnt what you wanted? That you are too comfortable in this pattern of doing things and almost happy there? This is me! I've come to accept the fact that my "illness" makes me feel blah, fatigue, achey, bloated, & depressed. It gives me a giant belly roll I can't do anything about, headaches, acne. And I've come to accept that and I'm almost comfortable here!! If I wake up feeling like poo again, for the 3rd time this week, I almost don't give it a second thought. And I spend the day drowning in that feeling.. I'm too tired to dig my way out. There is nothing I can do. It's easier to focus on the negative and just keep feeling blah.

But this isn't who I want to be!! This isn't how I want to do things!! And I've decided I'm making a commitment. A commitment to change. A commitment to no more excuses. No more entire days, weeks, months feeling blah and tired and sickly. I'm going to make changes in the way I eat. And the way I allow myself to feel! And in my activity pattern!! I think if I can change my overall health, I can get the upper hand on PCOS, IR, & my hormones. And I think that I will have fewer and fewer days spent feeling so down and out.

I'm making a commitment to myself, for myself.

A More Natural Approach

Well, we have tried just about everything there is to try while trying to conceive, short of IVF, which we have discussed and have a skeleton of a plan for in the near future. We have two years of just everyday trying under our belts. And one year of trying with conventional medications. We have tried both of the most common oral medications Femara and Clomid. I also tried an alternative that can be bought at WalMart called Soy Isoflavonnes. I have been taking Metformin daily for over a year. We have tried intercourse sporadically all cycle long, as well as timing it to the days right before ovulation, and two IntraUterine Inseminations. We also have one cycle of injectable medications on our "done that" list. Our injectable cycle really was a beautiful one, we just didn't come home with a pregnancy. And our long term plans are to save up the funds to do two more of those cycles before accepting defeat and saving long term for IVF in a few years.

In the meantime, while were twiddling our thumbs and doing nothing productive because were "saving money" Ive been contemplating a more natural approach. My research has brought me to  Vitex Agnus-Castus, better known as Vitex for short and also known as Chasteberry. 

Vitex- is a fertility-promoting herb with a long history of human use. It was recognized for its herbal-medicinal properties in Ancient Greece and was used to treat a number of health issues. Women in Europe have used vitex to increase their odds of conceiving a baby, as well as to treat symptoms associated with hormonal imbalance, skin condition, or PMS. Proponents of herbal therapies for fertility believe that the benefit of vitex lies in its ability to work at the endocrine, or hormonal, level to decrease the secretion of prolactin. vitex is listed as one of the herbs commonly used in Traditional Chinese Medicine to stimulate ovarian function. It can also be beneficial to women with low progesterone and luetal phase defects. vitex is not a hormone but has been show to stimulate the production of LH and gently suppress the production of FSH by the hypothalamus and the pituitary gland. So basically Vitex works by restoring the balance of hormones inside the body and that are involved in ovulation. It is also beneficial to women with short luetal pahses and can help with maintaining progesterone production and the corpus luetum cyst during the LP. Good website with info on Vitex -- http://natural-fertility-info.com/vitex

It appears that Vitex can come in both gel cap type pills and in a tincture and that both are pretty much the same so its whatever you would prefer to take and the dosing is pretty standard across the board. It appears to be safe to take all cycle long and it can take a few cycles to see any major results. Its not a fertility drug per-say but there is alot of buzz on fertility forums about its benefits and alot of women crediting it with getting their cycles regular and their BFP (Big Fat Positive/Pregnancy). Im thinking that this may be the path I want to take for awhile. I am already working on taking some vitamins and I do, when not supplementing, have a vitamin D deficiency which can effect fertility. 

GOAL:  Find Vitex. Give it a 3 month trial. Share on the blog. Remember to take my daily Vit D and B-complex and Prenatal.  :)

Fun With Fertility Symbols

Sooo.... Maybe it's just me & I'm crazy, but I love researching and finding symbols associated with fertility! I love finding objects and animals thought to represent fertility and also Deities, Saints, and Gods from other religions and Cultures. I think the stories are so interesting!! And Hey! It can't hurt to have one of each and cover your bases right?! :)



Hazelnuts- in ancient Ireland the Hazel Tree is considered a fertile being by the Celtics. They would string them together to wear as necklaces or carry one in their pockets. Interestingly enough, hazelnut oil can help naturally regulate blood sugars and insulin, which can aid in fertility.

Pomegranate- in Feng Shui, the pomegranate is a symbol of fertility because of its large amount of red seeds. Experts suggest placing a painting of a pomegranate with alot of seeds or an artificial pomegranate in your bedroom.

Lotus Flower- in the Hindu culture the lotus flower is the highest symbol of fertility. It represents purity because lotus flowers grow in muddy waters but remain untouched by the impurities.

Frogs- across South and Central America, depictions of squatting frogs are used to represent giving birth to new life. The Romans linked frogs to Aphrodite, the goddess of love and procreation. In ancient Egypt, large numbers of frogs appeared each year when the Nile flooded. Because Egyptian civilization was dependent on this flooding, frogs became a symbol of fertility.

Fish - in China, fish are a fertility symbol because they produce so many eggs. Fish are often pictured floating through clouds or leaping. According to Feng Shui, a double fish statue made from glass or metal should be kept in the southwest corner of the bedroom.

Venus- is the Roman goddess whose functions encompassed love, beauty, sex, fertility, prosperity and victory. In Roman mythology, she was the mother of the Roman people through her son, Aeneas, who survived the fall of Troy 

Saint Anne- in Catholicism, St. Anne is the Patron Saint of Infertility and Women in Labor. Her and her husband were barren for 20 years before conceiving their daughter Mary (the Virgin Mary). She is believed to be very highly favored and her intercession is invoked by other couples dealing with infertility. She believed motherhood was very important.

Kokopelli- is a Native American Fertility Deity usually depicted as a humpbacked flute player often with feathers or antenna-like protrusions on his head. He was believed to carry unborn children on his back and pass them out to women.

Ayida-Weddo- is the Haitian Voodoo loa of fertility, rainbows, wind, water, fire, and snakes. She is known as the Rainbow Serpent. Her ceremonial colors are white and blue. Appropriate offerings to her include white chickens, white eggs, rice, and milk.

I'm sure there are SOOO many more that I haven't found or just haven't listed!! If you know of any you want me to research and add, just comment below!!

Before You Speak...

Im going to make a big assumption here, one that everyone actually "following" this little project of mine is either struggling with PCOS, or Infertility, or knows someone who is. And if you don't.... odds are you just don't KNOW about their struggle. Because 1 in 6 couples will have trouble conceiving. Just that more often than not, its a private matter that will never be brought to public attention. In the chance that you are speaking with a friend or family member who is struggling to get pregnant. Lets use some common sense and T.H.I.N.K:)

Is It True?  alot of times, the responses I get from others is full of myths that they have heard or complete nonsense that they made up. No, I will not get pregnant if I "relax". Relaxing does not grow follicles or induce ovulation. It also will not make my husbands sperm fertilize my eggs. Another gem, that simply is not true "Why don't you just adopt"..... well see.... we actually have considered adoption and im not sure where you got your information from. But there is not such thing as just adopting. It is a very long and tedious process. One where you can be turned down. It can take years. It can cost on average $25,000!! Most of which IS NOT refundable if the mother backs out after she delivers. And she CAN back out. So no hunny, I wont just run out to Baby Mart and bring home a poor motherless baby. Because that is not how the process works.

Is It Helpful?  sometimes people want to give advice even though they don't really have any useful information to give. No experience. No expertise. So the information is useless. "You should just get drunk and have sex" .... Really??? I had no idea that alcohol got people pregnant. Here me and my husband have been trying time intercourse at home for 3 years and we had no idea all we had to do was add booze into the mix!! That's really helpful!! said no infertile woman....ever. How about this one "Bobbie Sue lost 25lbs and got knocked up right away!!" --- Well, A) you just called me fat!! and B) not everyone has trouble conceiving because of weight. There are alot of larger ladies who get pregnant just fine. And alot of thin ladies who can't. There is no rule of thumb here so it is not helpful to imply weight is the issue.

Is It Inspiring? other times, the advice or the things people say, are well intended but they do not instill confidence in those of us in this struggle. "It will happen when it is meant to happen" or "In God's time" This is not a good thing to say because it implies that we are fighting a losing battle, we are rushing a process or trying to get to the finish line before the race is over. Some women I know are 40 years old and still trying to conceive child number one!! When is it naturally going to be her time? Will her PCOS or Endometriosis magically clear up when it is the right time? How was it the right time for her youngest niece who is only 15 and planning on quitting High School? Things like this do cross our minds. Those of us who are Christians or Religious in some way do struggle with God's Will. Things like this do not boost our faith.

Is It Necessary? a few of my favorites, when it is completely not necessary! Such as "just take my kids for the night! then you wont want any!" or "You don't really want to be tied down with kids anyways" The truth is, you don't know what anyone else wants and its not necessary for you to belittle a woman's desire to have children because yours are acting like hellions. It's not necessary for you to offer any advice at all. Its also not necessary for you to tell us how to get pregnant. I promise you, we are doing our research and our homework. By this point we've even tried the hokey stuff like elevating our hips after sex and having sex on a full moon just in case.

Is It Kind? this one should go without saying, but amazingly it doesn't. Things like "Maybe it's not meant to be" or "I guess God knew better" these statements are hateful and hurtful and should never be said to anyone. How about "You're too busy for a baby right now anyways!" this implies that the woman is not going to be a good mother if she ever has a baby. Ask yourself if you would appreciate being told or asked the same things. Would your feelings be hurt?

There are so many more things that i've been told that make me go "hmmmmmmmm" and want to strangle the person standing in front of me. Things that make me run to my TTC support group and rant with other ladies that understand. Just please, if you are going to offer anything to a friend or family member who has come to you about infertility.... Offer support! A shoulder to cry on! Spend more time listening than speaking! If you don't know what to say.... say that! "I dont know what to say" is perfectly acceptable!! Ask what you can do to help. But please, please, T.H.I.N.K before you speak..

Progress.

Starting Weight- 235
Lowest Weight- 188
Last Week- 196.4
Today- 193.0

The game plan this week has been slim fast type shakes for breakfast or a piece of fruit (I'm not a bfast eater and would normal skip this meal all together) for lunch I eat microwave meals like lean cuisine or smart ones. And for the first few weeks I'm also eating them for dinner. I add in fruit for snacks or a small salad or veggies here and there. I'm forcing atleast 4 bottles of water a day. I use www.myfitnesspal.com to track my calories and I stay under 1200. I also keep an eye on my carbs. I have some diabetic guidelines I try to stay within for my beloved carbs. I've been walking a mile a day while I try to figure out a more intense work out that my ankle can handle. I'm not saying this is a nutritionist approved diet plan.... It's 100% not!! I'm just sharing what I'm doing.

The Plan.

I want to make weekly updates on my weight loss journey on Fridays. 

The difference in me and some other weight loss blogs.... I suck at losing weight!! No really, I do. I hate water!! Seriously, hate it. normally I would drink 0 actual glasses of water a day. zero. "It doesn't have a taste" you say.... well I hate the none-taste of water. I hate exercising. I have an old ankle injury that prevents anything too high impact. My knees are bad. I don't feel good alot. Im full of excuses and I'm lazy!! Also, I love carbs... The bad ones! French fries, loaded baked potato, mac n cheese.... Mmmmm!! Sorry, got distracted.

The fact of the matter is, I gotta do this for me. I have to make myself make good choices. I have to try and work at it. I have to make myself exercise. I fall off the wagon alot!! But I climb back on. And I'm doing it!! And I've seen progress! If I can do it. So can you!

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

Infertility Sucks. Plain and simple. It's a pain that can not be described. Hoping, wishing, dreaming, and praying for something that so many have. Just wanting a baby of your own. To expand your family. Yes, there are options... Expensive options that require multiple days off work and trips to a specialist possibly hours away. That, for me personally, means we can't *truly* try again until late Summer due to cost.

The Good- I have time to try and stop hyper-focusing on conceiving and to lose some more weight. I'm back on the weight loss train and trying to reach my first major goal of 175lbs in the next few months. I'm counting calories and I plan to share my progress on the blog. Starting weight before d/x of PCOS 235lbs. Lowest weight 188lbs. Current weight 194.

The Bad- Having a baby comes sooo easily to most people. & Free !! Others don't need to "take a break" or "save up" just to TRY and have a baby. Yet here we are sitting out again. Twiddling our thumbs for the majority of the year. Anyone seen the stork? My delivery is 3 years late...

The Ugly- and I do mean ugly....
Baby pictures and cutesy stories about babies are HAUNTING me!! They're everywhere. And honestly, there are days. . . dark days. . . bad days. . . where Idc about other people's babies and it PHYSICALLY hurts to look at them. Or hear about the adorable thing they did. It's nothing personal. Everyone's babies truly are precious. They are cute!! I'm super excited they are getting a new tooth. I think the funny picture of them covered in last nights spaghetti is adorable. I'm happy that potty training is going well... But the ugly truth is, some days I want to hibernate away in my bed, delete Facebook, and never look at another child that isn't mine.

It hurts too much on those "ugly" days.

Throw Back Thursday

In participation of the Throw Back Thursday trend. . .today's contribution. . . My First FSH Injection. EVER. This wasn't that far in the past, but it is definitely fitting with the theme of my earlier post. 

 

Can We Talk About Drugs?

And by drugs I mean fertility drugs!! Glorious fertility medications and the awesome side effects that they bring with them!!

Lets start with oral meds. Tiny little tablets...

Clomid- is often the first choice for treating infertility, because it's effective and been used for more than 25 years. Clomid is given to women who are not ovulating regularly or even at all. It is a anti-estrogen drug. As a result, it causes the hypothalamus and pituitary gland located deep in the brain to release hormones -- GnRH (gonadotropin releasing hormone), FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and LH (luteinizing hormone) -- that will stimulate the ovaries to produce eggs. But what about the fun side effects?? Mood swings.... like the kind where your poor hubby moves to the couch instinctively the night of your first dose! Because he KNOWS he is already in trouble, he just isn't sure yet what he is going to do to get there!

Femara-  is an oral drug which can be an effective fertility treatment for women with ovulation problems, or for those with unexplained infertility. This medication is in a class of drugs called aromatase inhibitors. Femara has mainly been used to treat certain cases of breast cancer. When the enzyme aromatase is inhibited, estrogen levels are suppressed. This results in the brain and pituitary gland increasing the output of FSH. In women that have polycystic ovary syndrome or anovulation the increase in FSH hormone can result in development of a mature follicle in the ovary and ovulation of an egg. But whew!!! what about those hot flashes? the kind where you're literally hanging out the bedroom window in the middle of January sweating while your hubby is turning into a Popsicle!

Metformin-  is an insulin-sensitizing medication. It is typically used to treat patients with diabetes and is NOT a fertility drug. But it is often used to help women with PCOS and Insulin Resistance to get pregnant. There seems to be a connection between insulin and the reproductive hormones. While it isnt yet clear exactly how the two connect, it seems that increased insulin levels lead to increased levels of androgens, also known as the male hormones. High androgen levels lead to PCOS symptoms and problems with ovulation. The side effects.... oh boy!! In the words of my OB "this medication can cause some... gastro-intestinal upsets"  And he was not exaggerating. Im talking about not leaving the house except when necessary and a bathroom is near by!!


If either of those meds are not doing the job you may move on to injectable medications! If you're lucky you will get a brand that comes in an "epi pen" but most still come with a vial and syringe.

Follistim, Bravelle, and Gonal F- injectable formulations of FSH. An injection given just below the skin (subcutaneous injection) that bypasses the hypothalamus and pituitary glands to directly stimulate follicle growth in the ovaries. Yes you will more than likely be giving this injection to yourself. Unless you trust another family member or friend with the task. Shots are typically given nightly for as few as 3 days but usually more like 8-10. Look forward to the mood swings and hot flashes I mentioned before as well as tenderness or rash at the injection site! Most of us put on a brave face and say "it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be" after our first injection.... and honestly... it isn't. But when have you ever thought getting a shot was pleasant? ever pleasant enough that you asked to do it yourself or if you could take the syringe home and do it 8 more times?

Menopur, Repronex, Perganol- Human Menopausal Gonadotropins (hMG). An injection that contains equal parts of FSH and LH (luteinizing hormone), given to stimulate the ovaries to produce multiple eggs during one cycle. These are the most potent ovulation medications currently used today. Potential side effects are about the same as those listed for FSH injections. Depression is always a fun side effect to deal with.... don't we all already fight to NOT let this struggle push us into depression? Isn't depression already a common occurrence in women with PCOS?

Some other medications you may encounter along the way...

Lupron- GnRH Agonists (Analogs) are injections given below the skin. These medications are used to enable the body to produce a higher number of quality eggs.These medications are also designed to prevent the mid-cycle hormonal surge which can result in a cancelled cycle. Side effects include insomnia, vaginal dryness, and painful intercourse! Oh the joys....

Cetrotide- GnRH Antagonists are injections administered for three to four days.These medications operate as antagonists of the gonadotropin causing the hormone (GnRH) to be released to help prevent premature ovulation. Same side effects as the Lurpon, so lets add in the fact that both can cause decreased breast size?? WTF!

Medrol- A steroid provided daily for four days during the cycle to assist with pre-embryo implantation. We all love how steroids make us feel right?? Angry. Hungry. FAT!!

Doxycycline- An oral antibiotic provided to the male partner during the female’s stimulation cycle to reducethe levels of bacteria which may be found in semen. This medication is also given to the female partner to decrease the risk of infection after aspiration of the follicles at the time of egg retrieval.

Progesterone- may be administered through a vaginal gel, suppository or in a pill. To help sustain a pregnancy in a woman who shows low levels of natural progesterone in early pregnancy. A common occurance in women with PCOS. Intra Muscular injections provided daily beginning two days after retrieval and finishing when the placenta is creating appropriate amounts of Progesterone. Side effects... lets just think about putting a suppository in our vaginas for a moment. Let that sink in..... has it sank? good.... now think about the fact that it will slowly and almost continuously leak out as the day goes by. Also, now that you are taking progesterone supplements in the 2WW (the 2 weeks between ovulation and finding out if you will get your period or are pregnant) You can experience all the joys of early pregnancy signs. Regardless of actually being pregnant.

Ovidrel, Novarel, Pregnyl- Synthetic Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG)are Intra muscular injections used to trigger ovulation. Often used when other medications have been taken to induce ovulation. Often times this injection is also given at home. If you take one of these, be prepared to experience even more "early pregnancy signs" regardless of being pregnant. Nausea, Headache, and Tender Breasts.

lots of information  via http://americanpregnancy.org/infertility/infertilitymedications.html

Too Taboo?

It's an all too common practice for people to hold fundraisers for various organizations, FFA, Sports Teams, Girl Scouts. We see them for charities and to raise awareness for other diseases and medical conditions like Childhood Cancers, AIDs, and Diabetes. You see them to raise money for families who lost a love one, or had a disaster of some kind. And most recently for funding Adoptions

So is it still too taboo to hold fundraisers and take donations to fund IVF?! One round of IVF with the required medications can cost upwards of $15,000 which is no small chunk of change for the average couple. You factor in all the money spent on other attempts such as injection medications and inseminations, tests, ultrasound monitoring and your looking at a couple who has spent their life savings and any money they can scrape up, just for the the opportunity...the *chance*... To maybe have a baby.

Is it still too taboo to do IVF fundraisers?
Anyone reading ever done one?
I'd love feedback on this topic!

What Is PCOS?

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, or PCOS is one of the most common hormonal endocrine disorders in women of reproductive age. The name of the condition comes from the appearance of the ovaries in most women with the disorder. Typically the ovaries are enlarged and contain numerous small cysts. Sometimes they will appear along the outer edge of each ovary in a spiral pattern called a "string of pearls" Often times, the hormonal imbalance prevents the ovaries from growing mature follicles. follicles would normally mature and release an egg during ovulation. When the follicles fail to grow they can form small cysts instead. Most of the cysts are pain free and cause no other issues. However, there are types of cysts that develope that can grow to be quiet large and cause severe pain. Not all women with PCOS will have these persistent cysts.

Doctors don't know the cause of polycystic ovary syndrome, but these factors likely play a role:

• Excess insulin. Insulin is the hormone produced in the pancreas that allows cells to use sugar (glucose) — your body's primary energy supply. If you have insulin resistance, your ability to use insulin effectively is impaired, and your pancreas has to secrete more insulin to make glucose available to cells. The excess insulin might boost androgen production by your ovaries.
• Low-grade inflammation. Your body's white blood cells produce substances to fight infection in a response called inflammation. Eating certain foods can trigger an inflammatory response in some predisposed people. When this happens, white blood cells produce substances that can lead to insulin resistance and cholesterol accumulation in blood vessels (atherosclerosis). Atherosclerosis causes cardiovascular disease. Research has shown that women with PCOS have low-grade inflammation.
• Heredity. If your mother or sister has PCOS, you might have a greater chance of having it, too. Researchers also are looking into the possibility that mutated genes are linked to PCOS.
• Abnormal fetal development. Some research shows that excessive exposure to male hormones (androgens) in fetal life may permanently prevent normal genes from working the way they're supposed to — a process known as gene expression. This may promote a male pattern of abdominal fat distribution, which increases the risk of insulin resistance and low-grade inflammation. Researchers continue to investigate to what extent these factors might contribute to PCOS.

Having polycystic ovary syndrome makes the following conditions more likely, especially if obesity also is a factor:

• Type 2 diabetes
• High blood pressure
• Cholesterol and lipid abnormalities, such as elevated triglycerides or low high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol, the "good" cholesterol
• Elevated levels of C-reactive protein, a cardiovascular disease marker
• Metabolic syndrome, a cluster of signs and symptoms that indicate a significantly increased risk of cardiovascular disease
• Nonalcoholic steatohepatitis, a severe liver inflammation caused by fat accumulation in the liver
• Sleep apnea
• Abnormal uterine bleeding
• Cancer of the uterine lining (endometrial cancer), caused by exposure to continuous high levels of estrogen
• Gestational diabetes or pregnancy-induced high blood pressure, if you do become pregnant

There's no specific test to definitively diagnose polycystic ovary syndrome. The diagnosis is one of exclusion, which means your doctor considers all of your signs and symptoms and then rules out other possible disorders.
During this process, your doctor takes many factors into account:

• Medical history. Your doctor may ask questions about your menstrual periods, weight changes and other symptoms.
• Physical examination. During your physical exam, your doctor will note several key pieces of information, including your height, weight and blood pressure.
• Pelvic examination. During a pelvic exam, your doctor visually and manually inspects your reproductive organs for signs of masses, growths or other abnormalities.
• Blood tests. Your blood may be drawn to measure the levels of several hormones to exclude possible causes of menstrual abnormalities or androgen excess that mimic PCOS. Additional blood testing may include fasting cholesterol and triglyceride levels and a glucose tolerance test, in which glucose levels are measured while fasting and after drinking a glucose-containing beverage.
• Pelvic ultrasound. A pelvic ultrasound can show the appearance of your ovaries and the thickness of the lining of your uterus. During the test, you lie on a bed or examining table while a wand-like device (transducer) is placed in your vagina (transvaginal ultrasound). The transducer emits inaudible sound waves that are translated into images on a computer screen.

The symptoms of PCOS can vary from woman to woman. Some of the symptoms of PCOS include:

• Infertility because of not ovulating. In fact, PCOS is the most common cause of female infertility.
• Infrequent, absent, and/or irregular menstrual periods
• Hirsutism— increased hair growth on the face, chest, stomach, back, thumbs, or toes
• Cysts on the ovaries
• Acne, oily skin, or dandruff
• Weight gain or obesity, usually with extra weight around the waist
• Male-pattern baldness or thinning hair
• Patches of skin on the neck, arms, breasts, or thighs that are thick and dark brown or black
• Skin tags — excess flaps of skin in the armpits or neck area
• Pelvic pain
• Anxiety or depression
• Sleep apnea — when breathing stops for short periods of time while asleep  

Treatment for PCOS varies from patient to patient and often times treats a specific symptom. Birth Control Pills can help to regulate cycles in women who are not trying to conceive. Metformin and other diabetes medications can help with issues caused by insulin resistance. Various fertility medications can induce ovulation in women who are hoping to get pregnant. There are also medications to treat hirsutism that may be prescribed by your doctor. Depression or anxiety medications may be needed as well as treatments for sleep apnea. Losing weight is often suggested as a way to help minimize the symptoms of PCOS and reduce the risk of diabetes and heart disease.

some information gathered from:
http://women.webmd.com/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview 
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/polycystic-ovary-syndrome/DS00423

More About My Journey

Im currently 24 and my husband is 25. We got married 3 years ago on January 9th, 2010. We have been trying to conceive for a little longer than that (but don't tell my parents that! LOL) At first it was a thought, we want children, so lets stop preventing and see where it goes. roughly 6 months later it became very clear to me that it was going no where! So I did what any of us do when we feel something is wrong, I had a consult with Dr. Google. By any definition there was nothing wrong with us. Nothing to be concerned about. I have regular menstrual cycles. No cause for concern. It can take up to a year for normal, healthy couples to conceive. So we continued on as planned. I got an "app for that" and started logging my cycles. 1 year later.... still no baby. I was starting to get discouraged so i went to see my family doctor. She asked me about cycles and timing, did a PAP, and proceeded to tell me that everything was fine, and to try to use Ovulation Prediction Kits (OPKs) to pin point ovulation and be sure our timing is right. I left relieved and feeling like this was going to be the key!! 6 months into that, I was more discouraged than ever!! I felt like I was never getting a positive result, yet my period would show up right on time! I decided to go back to Dr. Google. I found some research on "pseudo-cycles" and annovulatory cycles. Basically you do not ovulate therefore you can not get pregnant. But you still have a withdrawal "bleed" that is often mistake for a normal period. I wasnt ready to admit defeat!! I decided that being over weight, maybe I should try to get healthy. I could be one of those women.. right? the ones who drop 30lbs and then get knocked up!! That could be me! Only that wasnt me. I dropped 30lbs and was still not getting a + result on the OPKS. We were nearing the 2 year mark of Trying To Conceive (TTC) and decided it was time to see a real OB and to figure out what was wrong. I got my diagnosis of PCOS in December of 2011. My OB, Dr Sams was pretty certain after a short questionnaire that this was my answer But we also confirmed the diagnosis with blood work and a ultrasound of my ovaries. I started treating with metformin for the Insulin resistance that is common with PCOS and a low dose fertility medication called femara. He wanted us to have my husband get a semen analysis as well. We had the SA done in January of 2012, and the results were not  good! But the Urologist who reviewed them gave us the "go ahead"and said that he felt that the numbers were "workable" We did 3 cycles of the 2.5mg femara with progesterone labs called p4's to confirm if ovulation was occurring. And it was!! and we were happy!! but still no baby. Dr. Sams decided after 3 tries, to up my dosage to 5mgs and to get a HSG right away. I couldnt tell you the big long word that HSG stands for. But I can tell you that its NO FUN! Its an x-ray where they insert a catheter into the cervix and run dye into the uterus and tubes to check for blockages or other issues. It hurt. but it came back all clear!
Dr Sams had told me that if my tubes were clear and the 5mg was not getting us improved p4 results (anything over 6 indicates ovulation but above 10 is required to assume healthy egg quality) then i would probably need a specialist. So after Aprils p4 not being what we needed to see, We consulted a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Tried a low tech IUI (intra-uterine insemination) also with no luck.
 CYCLE HISTORY (1-4 + 6 with OB) (5 + 7 on are alone or w/ RE)
First Cycle- 850mg Metformin & 2.5mg Femara = p4 12.3 = O but BFN
Second Cycle- 1700mg Met & 2.5mg Femara = p4 7.6 = O but BFN
Third Cycle- 1700mg Met & 2.5mg Femara= p4 8.4 = O but BFN
Forth Cycle- 1700mg Met & 5mg Femara = p4 10.2 = O but BFN
Fifth Cycle- 1700mg Met & 7.5mg Femara + IUI on 5-12-12 = BFN!!!
Sixth Cycle- 1700mg Met & 5mg femara=p4 7.35 = BFN
Seventh Cycle -1700mg Met & 200mg Soy CD5-9 TI @ Home. 1000mg Royal jelly = BFN Eighth Cycle- Met only. Med break. Annovulatory.
Nineth Cycle- Met only. Med Break. O on my own!!
Tenth Cycle- Met only. Med Break. Annovulatory
After 10 Cycles, we make it to November 2012. Thanks to my parents' help, we are able to afford an IUI with all the bells and whistles of ultrasound monitoring and injectable fertility medications. We started with 75iu injections of FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) for 3 days. then went in for an "follicle scan" which is a vaginal ultrasound where the tech looks at your ovaries and counts "follicles" they measure them and watch for growth. Basically follicles grow on the ovaries, as the cycle progresses smaller ones die off but a few will keep growing. usually until there is 1 dominant one and that one will release an egg during ovulation. We had 3 scans and 2 good follicles. Did an HCG "trigger" which forces ovualtion of mature eggs. Had the IUI with a much better sample of the hubbys sperm. but 2 weeks later, still no baby!

Eleventh Cycle- Femara 5mg + Gonal F Injects and IUI = BFN

• needed 8 75iu injections (600iu total)
• had 2 good size follies, possible 3rd. and 27mil swimmers post wash.
• progesterone suppositories

So here we sit.... February of 2013....
3 years into TTC our first child. 11 cycles of fertility medications under our belts. 2 IUI's. One round of injectable meds. And still no baby. We plan to save up enough money to cover the cost of two more injectables + IUI cycles in a row before we proceed. Looking like were on a "med break" until August or so.


http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/376dc3  <--- my Fertility Friend Ovulation Chart

The Tradition of the Wishing Well

"The tradition of the wishing well begins in European folk history. The early Celts and Germanic people considered springs or streams to have healing and rejuvenating properties. Underground streams were an important sources of clear, fresh water.
A stream might emerge from a hillside, or be accessed by digging. Because water was a giver of life and therefore sacred, the water source was a magical, spiritual or holy place. To help protect the water, a structure was sometimes erected, with a roof or cover to keep debris or unwanted objects from falling in. A statue or carving might be set near the water.
A person could make a wish or ask for a blessing from the spirit(s) of the well. It's said that any wish spoken over the source of water would come true. People tossed silver or copper coins into the well or stream as thanks to the spirits, for good luck, or for helpful magic."

We do a lot of hoping and praying. Crossing fingers. Wishing on stars. Heck, I have a little baggy of "baby dust" on my dresser right now. I also stumbled across a small figurine of St. Anne, the patron Saint of Infertility, at a flea market and scooped it up! Doesn't matter that I'm not Catholic! There is also a little lake behind the office of my Reproductive Endocrinologist, and every time me and my husband go for a visit... I toss in a few pennies :)

Anything to make us feel like we have God and good luck on our side!  

Im really NOT a blogger...

Lets get that out of the way from the start.
Im not sure that anyone is going to be interested in the things that I have to share. Im not sure my life is all that interesting! and Im not sure that I will have the time to do this on a regular basis! Now that I have made the disclaimer, Welcome to my blog!!

Hi, Im Stephanie and  Im Struggling with Infertility!! Yes, you should read that as if you are at a meeting for Alcoholics Anonymous!! Long Story short, I wanted to start a diary or a journal where I could share my thoughts and feelings about Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and infertility with others, including friends and family. Everyone kept saying "well, then start a blog" and my reply has always been "nah, im not a blogger..." but I guess i've finally lost my mind and because I have decided to give this a try!! 

I wanted a place where I could share about the good, the bad, and the ugly when dealing with PCOS and all the things that so many of us keep to ourselves. Scared to share with the world. All the feelings I feel like I need keep locked inside. I know that the way I feel is all too common among the ladies I've met along the way. I also know that its often a secret. Something that we feel we can not share. That no one would understand!! Most wouldn't even try. I personally have not been public about my infertility for very long, but I already feel so much relief. Infertility shouldn't be swept under the rug or hidden away like its dirty laundry. Infertility is an disorder and should be dealt with similarly. And by sharing my story, I hope to meet some more amazing people and maybe I can share my courage as well. Maybe also give others some perspective and help them to be understanding of friends or family who are going through a similar struggle.