It's one of those, the last straw kind of stories. It wasn't really the fact that I just spent 30 minutes hunting all over my house for fingernail clippers, only for my husband to find them in the very first place I looked (btw this is when the tears started pouring). It wasn't even really the fact that my house is a mess and I'm so frustrated with never being able to find anything and trying to get it organized amidst Holiday chaos.
It had a little to do with hormones and a lot to do with Aunt Flow. So, as we've discussed, she is pretty regular for me. Even annovulatory cycles for me end with a lining shed/breakthrough bleed. Whatever you want to call it. And until I was TTC, I never knew it wasn't the real deal. So every 28-30 days, wanted or not, AF shows up... until this month. Day 30...31...32 I barely even noticed, I mean im not on any meds. Im still on "break" technically and still not tracking temps. We didn't try to time anything plus with the male factor issues, would it matter?? But then 34?!? I was confused. Could I be? No!! ...35! Should we test?! Is something wrong? We decided to wait one more day and then If no murder scene, hubby would go get us a test!!
This brings us back to Saturday morning. Woke up. No pool of blood... still no cramps... none of my usual symptoms, just like all week! That little bit of excitement kicks in! My heart was racing. I woke up Tom and sent him off to the store. I know his hopes were up to since he got up willingly and was heading out the door in no time. Got my trusty test cup (my TTC ladies likely have one too!) And as I was finishing up, there it was. That little tint of pink. And my heart sank. It's like a punch in the gut really. All the breath is just knocked out of you. And ofcourse then i'm kicking myself for even being hopeful to begin with. Why do I do this?? I texted the hubby and told him nvm, come back home. And I put on my brave face. He just looked soooo sad coming in the house. He is usually the tough one. It just broke my heart.
But we do what we do best, and we just go on about the day and we move on to the next cycle. We eat waffles, we watch TV under our blanket on the couch. He plays his Playstation. I browse Facebook... cute baby picture... status about baby doing something funny... someone is in labor... someone is pregnant!!... funny baby picture... status about baby being cute... someone's officially got a bump!! and so on. I decide to go take a shower. I break a finger nail on the faucet (ouch!). Ofcourse the crooked jagged nail is driving me bonkers. It's freezing. The house is a mess. I can't find the leggings im looking for. Nail is snagging on everything I touch. Grrrrrrr must fix it! So the hunt begins. And we all know how that part of the story ends. With me on the couch in tears, seemingly crying over a damn pair of fingernail clippers!!
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