The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

Infertility Sucks. Plain and simple. It's a pain that can not be described. Hoping, wishing, dreaming, and praying for something that so many have. Just wanting a baby of your own. To expand your family. Yes, there are options... Expensive options that require multiple days off work and trips to a specialist possibly hours away. That, for me personally, means we can't *truly* try again until late Summer due to cost.

The Good- I have time to try and stop hyper-focusing on conceiving and to lose some more weight. I'm back on the weight loss train and trying to reach my first major goal of 175lbs in the next few months. I'm counting calories and I plan to share my progress on the blog. Starting weight before d/x of PCOS 235lbs. Lowest weight 188lbs. Current weight 194.

The Bad- Having a baby comes sooo easily to most people. & Free !! Others don't need to "take a break" or "save up" just to TRY and have a baby. Yet here we are sitting out again. Twiddling our thumbs for the majority of the year. Anyone seen the stork? My delivery is 3 years late...

The Ugly- and I do mean ugly....
Baby pictures and cutesy stories about babies are HAUNTING me!! They're everywhere. And honestly, there are days. . . dark days. . . bad days. . . where Idc about other people's babies and it PHYSICALLY hurts to look at them. Or hear about the adorable thing they did. It's nothing personal. Everyone's babies truly are precious. They are cute!! I'm super excited they are getting a new tooth. I think the funny picture of them covered in last nights spaghetti is adorable. I'm happy that potty training is going well... But the ugly truth is, some days I want to hibernate away in my bed, delete Facebook, and never look at another child that isn't mine.

It hurts too much on those "ugly" days.